Staff Blog
Your 2008 Home Run Derby Drinking Game
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| line em up, knock em dow |
Since no exhibition sporting event is complete without a streamlined formula for getting properly wasted … I bring you the first annual Home Run Derby drinking game.
The game is for one through eight (1-8) drinkers, with each drinker representing a combatant in the derby. Players (in the game, hereinafter ‘drinker’) should pick their players (in the derby hereinafter ‘batsman’) due to a pre-determined inverse-scale of drinking prowess. So if Drinker 1 is the best drinker, Drinker 2 second best, Drinker 7 second worst and Drinker 8 is the worst drinker, player 8 will have the first pick in the draft and can choose to play as any of the batsman, player 7 will be able to take any of the remaining picks and so on and so forth until player one is left stuck with Grady Sizemore. If the drinkers cannot determine amongst themselves who is the most prolific drinkers (or won’t boat race to find out) the batsman’s name shall be dropped in a hat and picked at random by the drinkers.
Or whatever, just have everyone end up with a different hitter.
Each batsman will have special powers so choose carefully.
The complete rules ATJ
Since your batsman represents you, when he does well you do well. So if Chase Utley is your batsman, a home run is worth one drink, and Chase Utley hits a home run, you do not drink but rather make any other drinker drink.
- Each drink is worth approximately one second
- Each round acts a multiplier (i.e. a home run is worth 1 second in the first round, 2 in the second and 3. So a second deck home run in the third round is worth 6 seconds)
Give a Drink
- Every time your batsman hits a home run
- Two if it lands in the second deck
- Three if it lands in the third
- Every time your batsman is considered for an award (MVP, ROY, Silver Slugger, whatever)
- Twice if someone considers them the favorite
- Every time a previous award your batsman was up for is mentioned
- Twice if someone says the decision was wrong
- Every time the name of your batsman’s pitcher is mentioned
- Every time the announcers mention one of your batsman’s teammates while your batsman is hitting
- Every time your batsman’s full name is said
- Every time the college/high school of your batsman is mentioned
- Twice if they mention anyone else who went to that college/high school
- Every time your batter sets a new round high.
Take a Drink
- every time your batsman gets an out
- finish your beer when your batsmen is eliminated
Communal Drinks
- Every time Yankee Stadium is mentioned
- Every time a current player who is not in the derby is mentioned
- Every time a former player is mentioned
- Twice if they are in the building
- Twice if its in reference to how they would have done “in today’s game” at the derby
- Every time they show an athlete from a different sport
- Everytime they show a celebrity
- Twice if they show a MORE or LESS famous celeb. (so, for example if the first celeb they show is Alyssa Miliano, that is one drink. If the next two they show are Tom Cruise and Bill Engall, or whatever his name is … you would have to drink twice because Cruise is more famous than Miliano AND twice because Tom Arnold is less famous than she is. This roles forward (i.e. three drinks if someone if the next celeb you see is either more famous than Cruise OR less famous than Engall) Pro baseball players do not count
- Every time an announcer mentions a NYC landmark a batsman “hit the ball to”
- Every time a new home run call is unleashed by the broadcasters.
- If someone mentions that all the batsmen are white guys
- every time Ken Griffey is laughing in the background
- every time someone is shown with a backwards cap
- every time someone mentions the short porch in right
- every time they show someone in monument park (ruth etc)
- every time they should show someone who everyone in the room agrees is a tourist
Specific Player rules ..
If you are Justin Morneau give a drink
- every time someone mentions Canada, even obliquely.
- every time someone compliments ANY team for their success in a small market
- everyone someone is complimented for being jacked
If you are Grady Sizemore give a drink
- every time someone mentions that a team is under .500
- every time anyone points out the fact that anyone is leadoff hitter
- every time the words “fire sale” are said
If you are Evan Longoria give a drink
- every time any player is compared to a former player
- every time a former rookie of the year is brought up.
- every time someone mentions the Rays’ fights, OR fights on screen. Bickering counts.
If you are Josh Hamilton give a drink
- every time illegal substances are brought (non-PED only)
- every time someone says “wasted talent” (note: almost wasted his talent; could have wasted his talent, almost through that talent away, etc. etc. etc. ALL COUNT)
- every time you see a tattoo (note: one drink per tattoo), on anyone.
- every time they make a Mickey Mantle reference
- two for showing his plaque
If you are Ryan Braun give a drink
- every time anyone mentions Judaism
- every time the word “error” is said, in any context
- every time anyone switching positions is mentioned
If you are Lance Berkman give a drink
- every time anyone uses the nicknames “big puma”; “berkwell”; “fat elvis”; OR coins a new nickname for LB (that counts, drink)
- every time someone points out which side of the plate someone is hitting from
- every time a person’s weight is called into question for any reason
If you are Dan Uggla give a drink
- every time someone mentions the Rule V draft
- every time someone makes a “sounds like ‘ugly’” joke (announcers and present company)
- every time a second basemen is commended for their power (this includes ALL ‘Joe Morgan hit a homerun in Yankee stadium’ references)
If you are Chase Utley give a drink
- every time there is an awkward pause in the broadcast
- every time someone fawns over anyone’s swing
- every time someone is hit by a pitch (h/t skyking via Balls, Sticks, and Stuff)
Now, loyal reader, go forth and drink cheap beers until normal sports are back on television.
